Here are some tips on sticking one's shoelaces up one's nose. I've recently become an expert in this underground sport, and i thought y'all would appreciate a leg up on the competition when this hits the big time.
The first, and most important thing to remember, is that you have to double over your shoelaces to make them thick enough for your nose. That little plastic widget on the end is really skinny. To get that properly lodged in your nose you have to stick it like three inches into your sinuses. Believe me, i've tried it. With them that far inside your skull, there's a good chance that any sudden shocks (such as anyone coming into the room and shouting "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DONG?") could possibly result in you poking your brain with that little plastic widget. This would result in brain trauma and/or damage to your brain, so i heartily recommend not doing it.
No, it's much simpler and quicker to fold the plastic widgets back, and stick this folded bit up each nostril. Assuming you have a normal-sized nose, this should be plenty large to get satisfactorily stuck in your nose. If you are still wearing the shoes while the shoelaces are up your nose, be sure not to uncross your legs, or move your foot to far away. If you move it too quickly, the plastic widgets might get stuck in there lengthwise as they pull out, and you'd be like a fish on a hook. Except it'd be your shoelace instead of a hook, and instead of a fish on the end it would be an idiot. You probably couldn't cook what you caught for dinner either, seeing as how it'd be you. I mean, you could probably cook your arm and chew on that for a bit, but cook the whole thing? You'd have to get a friend to help you, and then when you were done, you wouldn't be able to eat any of it because you'd be, y'know, dead.
Maybe i shouldn't be allowed to type this late at night...
