Ever heard of Whitecastle? Yeah, they're some fancy eastern fast-food chain that has a frozen food brand, a stoner road-trip movie about them and no franchises in California as far as I know.
They also have the scariest meat known to man. I bought some today, after everyone asked me "You want to eat at WHITECASTLE?" and wishing my digestive track good luck. So I went and got a couple burgers. If you aren't familiar with Whitecastle, they've somehow made downsizing a good thing. Their burgers are so tiny they refer to them as "slyders" (the y makes them more EXTREME) and sell them in packs of 4, 10 or 20 like frickin chicken nuggests. Each burger also comes in it's own little cardboard cartridge, like it's ammo or something. This leads me to suspect that they sell some sort of nerf-manufactured burger-gun that allows the munchie-driven hordes to consume at a rate of 15 bpm (burgers-per-minute).
So how are they? Umm, they don't really have "patties" as much as "meat-derived paper/food product." It's about as thick as a pair of credit cards and brittle. It also reminds me of spam somehow. The regular burger consists of some oinion chunks, patty/laminate, a pickle slice and a white-bread bun, which is generally soggy with eldritch-meat-drippings. The taste is...well it's over quickly, thanks to the small size. I guess if you had the munchies they'd be good. Though I also got a "roasted garlic cheeseburger" which was different for two reasons. 1) The swiss-cheese inspired food-product-film. It's actually larger than the meat-paper and envelopes it in it's thick, lipid-esque meltyness. This insulates my taste-buds from the full brunt of the faux-flesh assault and is a good thing. 2) It's more expensive to buy artificial garlic than real garlic. This means they slap a big dollop of roasted garlic in the middle of the bun. I LOVE ROASTED GARLIC. So basically between the cheese-ish insulation and the awsomeness of garlic, I can't taste the rest of the burger, making it a very tasty food-tumor indeed. They also have the same exact fries as Del-Taco except that they don't put salt on them and probably fart on them instead.
Today's dashes have been donated by the Bush-administration to help me celebrate dash-history-appreciation-month.