So about a year ago (geez, has it been that long?!) I managed to run my car aground. Aground here is code for "A Nissan Pathfinder." The forward passenger side of my car was pretty banged up, luckily it was all body panel damage and left the car in fine working condition. My rearview mirror, however, was instantly discombobulated, vaporised and is being inhaled by people in Texas as we speak. I went for months without that mirror (it's legal to be missing one mirror, though not recommended unless you are a professional) and even got used to not looking at the glaring void, sadly bereft of it's comforting, reflective presence.
Then I got it fixed, I saved up, scrounged and spent 2 moths painstakingly doing 90% of the work myself, aside from the paintjob. I was happy, proud and content for the first time in my life! It was right around when I was juuuust getting thoroughly used to having a mirror again when I ran over a flock of turkeys on the freeway. Well, one of a flock, but the important thing is there were goddamn TURKEYS ON THE FREEWAY and one of them stole my mirror. It's turkey cranium popped the mirror clear out of the rest of the assembly. No other damage, but I'd lost my dear mirror again.
The point is that I couldn't keep a frickin mirror attached to the car if my life depended on it.
Now two weeks ago, my brother got T-boned on the street. The driver's side door protrudes several inches into where the door should be, the car is fuXored and my bro is lucky to not be greviously injured. His car is pretty much a total loss at this point.
Except for his rearview mirror. It's flawless, no scratches. The door it's mounted on is twisted like postmodern origami, but the mirror is as untouched as a supermodel in Michael Jackson's bed. It's frickin taunting me, that goddamn mirror. Reflecting my indignation back at me with such scratchless precision it's like a punch in the face.
I think next time I go home i'll take a baseball bat to it. Unless that would affect my brother's insurance claim; then I'll just pee on it. I could blame that on him being scared after the accident.