Random Crap, OF DOOOM!!  

My own little corner online, where I can hide all my belly-button lint.

I think I can stick links in here...
It appears so!
I never liked that archive crap anyway.
Maybe i should organize these into sections...
Yeah, that would be cool.

Artists to worship:
Robert Venosa
Alex Gray
M.C. Escher
Stanlislav Szukalski
Zdzislaw freaking Beksinski
Rene Magritte
Honore Fragonard (now mostly translated!)
Senor Zar
Ex-Python animator
Mr. Bird could beat up your mother AND a dinosaur
Ernst Fuchs (fyooks, you asshat)

Don't let your kids listen to:
Big Dumb Face
White/Rob Zombie
Collective Soul
Damn pretentious Canadians
Queens of the Stone Age

People with the misfortune of knowing me:
Teh w00tFr3d!!1!
Someone I don't really know but has good taste in TOOL, err, music.
My sister was dropped on her head.
The rest of my friends have too much self-respect for an online presence.

We dn't need no stikning spellchecker!

Fine, I'll archive this crap:

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So last night blew. Stick with me here, the sucktitude will take a while.

I was watching season 2 of 24 on DVD at home alone. I was on the last 30 minutes of the last episode of the season. EVERYTHING hinged on these last moments. I have a theaory about how the sniper will actually be an alien, who will give J-Bau (that's how we refer to Jack Bauer on 'tha street') all the information he needs. But he demands Jack's kidney in exchange! But Jack left his scalpel behind when he was tortured and electrocuted 3 hours ago! So J-Bau will have to tear into his own torso with his bare hands and rip out his kidney so he can save the free world!
...But I have no idea what happens, because the power went out right in the middle of an incredibly important moment! The power stayed out too, so I was just marinading in the darkness. I couldn't find a flashlight, so I had to use the screen on my cell phone as long as it was holding out. So I sat there for like 10 minutes. But a cat had just pooed and didn't bother to bury it, so it stank like crazy and I decided to go check that I hadn't just tripped a breaker somehow. So I went outside in my shorts and sandals to go check. The breakers were fine, and everything was out on the street. Well, there was one person's porch light on, but I think that's because they made a deal with the devil.

So I was outside, and I went to open the door. It occured to me at this point that it might have been a good idea to bring my keys with me. Seeing as how the door locks itself whenever it closes and it was most definitely closed. Sooooo, now I'm locked out, missing 24, tripping around in sandals and warmed only by my growing sense of peeved-ness.

So I checked all the doors. All the doors I'd verified were locked earlier in the evening. I checked the windows, but they have this ingenious locking-thingy on the inside, which I couldn't really reach. The only one that wasn't latched on the inside had the window bwhind it locked, oh joy! The landlady, by the way, is Megan's grandmother and almost certainly never there there. I did a couple laps around the house and practiced my lessons from sailor cussin' 305.

After about 20 minutes, I got desperate and tried all the windows again. After 5 minutes of abusing one of the screens, I managed to wedge my hand behind it. It required this uncomfortable hand position resembling a python/crab/cthulhu. But after a minute or two of screen bending/hopefully not breaking I popped it off and the window was thankfully unlocked! I was Free! FREE! Free to sit on my ass the rest of the night!

But the power was still out, so sitting on my ass was a little boring. The cat crap smelled too much to put up with so I grabbed the cat litter so I could bury the smelliness. As I was pouring the litter out in the dark, I noticed that the cat hadn't only not buried the catcrap, it had missed the litterbox entirely! THEN I discovered that the cat had also pooed somewhere I hadn't noticed, because I'd stepped in it. Man, I'm so glad I took my sandals off when I got back inside, because I LOVE the feeling of cat shit between my toes! I ran to the shower and made my sailor cussin' 305 professor proud.

So after a few minutes of poo-wiping and poo-cleaner-application, the room didn't quite reek as much. It still reeked (thanks to ANOTHER poo BEHIND the litterbox I found this morning) but it had reached a point where incense could cover up most of it. The power was still out so I couldn't really clean the poo properly until the vaccum scrubber had power. If you hadn't noticed, I wasn't in a very good mood by this point. I decided to try to cut my losses. So I called a friend, vented, went to bed and prayed it would all be a nightmare in the morning.

So how'd your thursday night go?

  posted by Travis @ 9:28 AM

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